Saturday, August 24, 2013

beauty in chaos.

beauty in chaos The laundry is in a pile in the hamper, which is an improvement after I dumped it all out on the floor and left it there for two days. The truth is, I've never been one for housework and a tidy home is just not that important to me. Feels funny to admit it, since I always apologize for the mess in our home. When I walked into our bedroom after work today and Jeffrey had completely tidied it up, I think my heart sighed with joy! So maybe I actually do enjoy a clean home if I'm not the one who's doing the cleaning.

Days are long lately. I spend most of my time at work — planning, planning, planning. My head's under water and I'm working one day at a time, but step by step is working for me right now so I'll take it. Isn't it funny when you take such a huge breath of relief once you learn that people are in the same boat that you're currently floating around in? Two of my colleagues admitted to feeling very overwhelmed and I immediately felt like ten pounds fell right off my shoulders. It really does make a difference when we're all in it together.

It poured this afternoon and I was actually trapped in my classroom. The lightning was enough to light up an entire city and the thunder made the whole room shake. I couldn't have left if I wanted to. I felt peace, which you would consider a miracle had you spoken to me 24 hours prior to that. I sat there and reveled in it. I grabbed some Raisinets from my stash (both my mom and mother-in-law gifted me with candy to keep at work. Ha!) and planned away like it was nothing. I finally felt like I was getting the hang of something.

New experiences are exciting and terrifying and exhausting and completely eye opening. That is what I learned this week. Or relearned, as the case may be. I think the light at the end of the tunnel might finally be peeking out at me, beckoning and allowing me to take comfort in its lovely little existence.

(P.S. I wrote this post two days ago and am just hitting 'publish' today.)

One of my favorite Portland photos: slightly blurry, a tiny piece of the creek, bustling with life.


  1. Love this post, Roxanne...thank you for your honesty, and thank you for sharing! Looking for those moments of clarity is always important, and just remembering to breathe!

  2. I know it can be hard, but I have complete faith in you. I am so incredibly proud of you. XOO

  3. I sure do miss your posts. XXOO


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