It's been awhile since I've felt motivated to sit down and write something in this space. Even now, I'm leaving the cursor blinking, blinking, blinking for moments at a time because I'm not sure what it is that I want to say – or if I have anything to say at all.
I guess in being truthful with you, I was forced to be truthful with myself. What I mean to say is that when I decided to be vulnerable here, it meant that I had to be vulnerable with myself, too. I admitted that my new job was not an easy transition and I admitted that optimism was not so easily found, and it was scary. When I look at those last few posts, I feel sad.
Because I write about my life, there isn't much room for hiding around these parts. My posts relate directly to how I'm feeling and how I'm living out my life. When I'm sad, the writing is sad. When I'm happy, the writing is happy. Naturally, when I flip back through the archives, I can relive the moments I wrote about. In reliving those moments, I can remember the happiness or sadness I felt as I wrote them.
In the interest of moving on, I don't want to dwell on the fact that a new career is hard, especially when it doesn't align with the original vision I had for said career. It's okay, though. I am building a life here and so that doesn't always mean that it will be built smoothly. Of course there's challenges and obstacles. Without those challenges and obstacles, there wouldn't be much to learn, would there?
People often choose a word to associate with a new year, which always seemed a bit contrived to me. These days, it's settling in quite nicely and I no longer feel that it's contrived at all, but actually quite a lovely way to view a new year.
My word for the year is this: Contentment.
I was gifted a book about inner beauty this year, and in it there's a big list of words. I had to circle the five words that most describe who I am. Then, I had to choose five words that I wanted to work toward. One of the words I'm working toward is content.
Content in everything, I think.
Content to stop rocking the boat and just be. Content to live life just the way it is now without feeling the overwhelming need to perfect it in a matter of days or minutes. Because of course I'm working toward building a life, but has it ever hurt anyone to stop and enjoy the scenery and the efforts of the hard work already put forth?
Content, content, content. Even the sound of the word brings peace to my heart.
Happy new year, friends. I'll be back.