I have never been so simultaneously happy and scared in my entire life. Even writing that sentence feels strange. I am a planner through and through. It is a blessing and a curse. Spontaneity has never come very easily to me and the in-between stages of life have always left me a bit uneasy. This entire year has been a transition for me. Transitioning from fiancée to wife, student teacher to (almost) regular teacher, and moving from one city to a new one. If I'm being honest, that's the one that scares me the most. Doubts fill my mind faster than a sink filling with water. I can create a doubt for almost anything, and sometimes that hinders what could be.
Jeffrey and I have talked through the possibilities over and over and over. So many times that if they were tangible, they would be worn down to the last layer. And still, I'm unsettled. It's difficult for me to put my faith in the unknown because that really scares me. Prayer is the only thing that calms my mind and every time I feel a worry creeping in, I try my hardest to turn it into a prayer — a message of thanks for all the things I have that keep me anchored. In my heart, I know Jeffrey and I will be fine in whatever happens. We will thrive and grow and flourish in whatever setting we find ourselves in. Even though I know these things, I still falter. I guess that's part of the ebb and flow of it all.
I believe in the importance of working through whatever it is that needs to be worked through. I don't believe you can come out the other side until you walk right through it and confront it all, even if that means making hard choices and thinking through difficult thoughts. I am thankful that I don't walk that path alone.
* photo taken in Portland, OR. :)