Monday, October 20, 2014
I woke up the other morning morning with a pit in my stomach. I wanted to cry. I went through the motions of my work week routine and I felt pretty sorry for myself. I wake up so early. I work so hard. I'm always so tired. These thoughts live in my brain a lot of the time -- more often than they should, I think. I ended my morning in tears. This also happens more often than it should. Truthfully, sometimes life is hard. Really, really hard. Like, a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be. Please hear me out: this is not a complaint, it's a wake up call.
As I walked out the door, streets empty, not another soul in sight, dark as the night, it all felt a little unfair. I wanted to scream. And then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. (This is how it commonly happens.) A frying pan over the head, a punch to the gut, all those others sayings about the wind getting knocked out of you. I sometimes get into the habit of wishing away my perfectly beautiful life. I get caught up in all the runs in the fabric and I forget to step back and take a look at the incredible, detailed, unbelievable tapestry of my human experience. Please understand that I am not shooing away the feelings I feel. It's important to have them, to evaluate them, and work toward having less not-so-good feelings and more really-great feelings.
In the meantime, I must stop waiting for what's around the bend, and I must take advantage of my life. In this moment. Happy Monday, sweet friends.
(P.S. Other posts about feelings: transitions, fueling a life, trusting your decisions, and beauty in chaos.)